This is a touchy subject to so many. Most of you don't know what to say to someone who is dealing with infertility and some of you are just cold-hearted punks! What? I can't be honest? Some of you are.
So, here's the thing... How do you think it feels like to have to go through MONTH by MONTH praying that you don't get your period and hoping that the reason you didn't get it was cause you were pregnant and not because of your under-lying medical issues. How do you think it feels to have sex with your husband and have it feeling more like a chore than something that should be fun and sensual? How do you think it feels to go through day by day either taking your basal temperature first thing in the morning, peeing on a stick to test for the day you are ovulating or because you are trying to see if you are pregnant or not? IT IS NOT FUN! It seriously takes a toll on a person's mind, body, and soul. We don't mean to be bitches, but sometimes we just are. We are hopped up on all kinds of meds (oral medications, injections, and/or suppositories) just to try to conceive a baby. Which is something many, many, MANY of you can do in just one drunken night. No we are not bitter. No we are not hating on you. We are just HURT. We know that most of you mean well. But some times the words that come out of your mouth just feels like a sharp knife just cutting into our hearts slowly.
One thing you should NEVER say to someone struggling with infertility is:
"Oh, you are still young. You have so much time to try again!"
Do you want to know how we feel about this? (I don't want to say we ALL feel this way, but I'm pretty sure that the majority of us do feel this way.) We would love more than anything to smack you in the face and tell you to "shut the eff up!" You know why? Because we have been trying. EVERY SINGLE DAY, EVERY SINGLE MONTH. IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING. You think we are just giving up all the time? We aren't! We are investing ourselves, our minds, our bodies, our paychecks, and all just to have a baby. Just to get pregnant and create a child that is a part of us and our other half. When you say this to us, it feels like you aren't even listening. Now, did you know that females are born with the amount of eggs that they will ever produce? Unlike men who produce sperm (and millions of them at that) every single day and every ejaculation... a woman will release their eggs every month and there's just that small 12-24 hour period in which a sperm will have to swim towards the egg and fertilize that. Some of you can't even decide on what you want to eat for dinner the next day, let alone fertilize an egg. So, we are trying. We might still be young, but while you were talking to us, we may have just lost an egg that will never be fertilized. So, please be a little more cautious of how you say this. We will greatly appreciate this.
Also, please refrain from saying, "Oh, you know if you take a break and just take your mind off of it, it will happen."
Cause you know why? We have taken many breaks. we have tried to de-stress. But how can you tell someone who is so hard-pressed on something (conceiving a child, nonetheless) that they should just take their minds off of it. Heck, when some of you want a pair of shoes, a bag, a video game so much, you can hardly stop thinking of it. This is a child we are talking about. Not just a materialistic thing. We can't just "take our minds off of it." If it were that easy then we wouldn't be so stressed. DUH! Now, yes, I did conceive our miracle because we took a break, but you also have to keep in mind that I took a break because I didn't want to be a bitch around my parents and grandma when they came to visit. It wasn't because I thought it would be the way to get pregnant. I still thought about it every single minute of the day and you have to understand that the previous month before his conception, I was on a VERY high dosage of fertility injections. I could've had some of those drugs still in my body for all we know. But what I do know is that even with the help of a lot of medications, I was still unable to conceive a baby or keep a baby. He was truly my little miracle.
Now, I have more "What NOT to say" to us, but I will go ahead and talk about what you should say to us. You should definitely feel comfortable enough to tell us that you are expecting yourself. We will not be "not happy" that you are with child. We are over the moon that you are! Are we a little hurt? Why, heck yes we are! But we are also very excited and happy that you are as well. But we will also appreciate you more for the mere fact that you felt that you cared about us enough to let us know yourself. If you truly loved us or cared for us, then you would know that we would reciprocate those feelings. But listen, if you are a wh*re who sleeps around and more than likely doesn't know who your baby daddy is or you are one of those who still go out partying and drinking knowing damn well you pregnant, then you can just get the heck out of our faces. That is some B.S! Why would the lord let someone who is so un-deserving of a child to love and make us suffer so much. When we are with a significant whom will love and cherish this baby and have the ability to provide for a child but the lord wants to play games and not let us have a baby. See, that's some effed up sh*t. But we know that sometimes life just SUCKS! and we just have to get up and get over it.
Now, we know that there a lot of things you could say and not say, but just remember that you don't have to watch what you say to us all the time, but at least listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth next time. Is it something that would really hurt someone or seem insensitive? If you even think that it "might" be just a tad insensitive then it might actually be that way. You don't have to always hold your tongue with us. We are grown and we can take it. But we also want to share the news with you as well. We might be hurt for a little bit, but we will definitely get over it.
I know that there are many other things you could or shouldn't say, but I will wait til next time. I hope that if you have any questions that you feel comfortable enough to come to me and ask away. That is one of the reasons for this blog. I'm here for you all.
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